6. Use tissue to clean up after a number two
I personally am used to using just toilet paper to clean up—I do it when I have to go do a number two at the mall and whenever I’m not in my house. It’s just that using a tabo has been a welcome alternative when we moved to the Philippines—I preferred doing things this way since I’ve gotten the opportunity to. (I remember the first time I went inside a Philippine bathroom, I had to ask my dad what the bucket was for. He explained how Pinoys do it. Haha. If someone took my photograph right after I found how it’s done, I’m pretty sure it’s one for the books.) But here in the US, not everyone uses a tabo. And that includes even Filipino families—several cousins of mine don’t have ‘em in their bathrooms. So you gotta learn how to do it with toilet paper, kids. It’s more ma-trabaho than a steady stream of water rinsing your you-know-what, but I have to say, it’s a slightly cleaner way of doing things. *cough*pooponyourfingers*cough*
Oh, you can also buy, um, behind cleaners.
I guess the question is, do I still use a tabo now that I’m here? The answer is yes, only when they have it. But I secretly wish every house had a bidet instead.
7. Visit a theme park
Ever been to Enchanted Kingdom? How about Star City or Boom na Boom? Double—even triple—the size of the space these parks occupy, double the number of rides, and you have a good idea of a US theme park.
I can’t really explain why you should visit one, you just have to. There’s all sorts of fun to be experienced by everyone, regardless of age. Or, ganito na lang: Where else can you totally act not your age and no one will give you flak over it? Sure, you have to pay a considerable sum (admission rates on average are $65) but the free pass to be a kid again for 12 hours is well worth it.
8. Become wasteful
If you’re the type who’d remind friends not to leave food in their plates because kids in Africa are starving, be prepared to say this often. I’m still in shock at how much waste this country makes on a daily basis. You get a “side dish” of fries as plentiful as the main course itself, five generous scoops of fried rice for every single-person order at an Asian fast-food restaurant, and the buffets, man, the buffets—there’s so much wasted food there that you can practically just ask for the rejects and you’ll be able to eat for days. Oh, and I’m not just talking about food. People go through, like, two rolls of tissue paper a day with just normal, day-to-day things, like wiping the sink, drying their hands after washing them, whatever. Fortunately, you’ll appreciate the incentives that the government is doing to help curb the mounds of waste the country produces: You can opt for paperless banking, meaning bank statements will only get sent to your e-mail; recycling bins are commonplace (and in some States, like New Jersey, segregating recyclable trash is the law), and groceries are offering several centavos back whenever grocers return or reuse shopping bags. So I guess you only need to “witness” this, and not do it. Think of the environment and the starving kids in Africa, after all.
9. Don’t have rice for a day
Like the humble tabo, having rice at every meal defines a Filipino. Sure, other countries also use rice in varying ways, but only a Pinoy eater asks for rice with a nice piece of steak—as well as mashed potatoes; or will top his rice with chili and not care for the cornbread.
On paper, there’s nothing wrong with this. After all, rice, cornbread, mashed potatoes, and fries are all starchy foods (and thus sources of carbohydrates that balance out the protein from the ulam). It’s just that culturally, something like steak isn’t meant to be eaten with rice. It’s like eating pizza with rice. (And that’ll be taking it too far, even for a Filipino I think.) Part and parcel of immersion to American culture is “pakikibagay,” and this is what you’ll do once you smile and help yourself to mashed potatoes for dinner and not ask for rice.
Curiously, rice isn’t easy to find here, further proving that this country isn’t as big of a rice eater as we are.
10. Make mano
H’wag ka nang mahiya. Walang masama kung magmano ka sa magulang mo o sa nakakatanda pag nakita mo sila. It’s what makes you Filipino. Paki ba ng mga puti kung ano yung ginagawa mo?
(Toilet image from Jupiterimages.com, rice meal image from Yikada/Flickr.com)